I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
