my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
