you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
