I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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