i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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