Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
