dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
