How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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