Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
