True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize