I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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