Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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