Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
