if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
