took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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