It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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