it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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