Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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