I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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