Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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