Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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