I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
