I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
