she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
