At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
