That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
