i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
