Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize