My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
