Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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