DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
