What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
