We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You were trust falling into bushes
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
