I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Actions speak louder than pants.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
