the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
