Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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