the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
