Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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