I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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