never play flip cup with pint glasses
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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