Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
