I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
