He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
