I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
