I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
