i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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