the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
