ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
