hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The uberlube is also flammable
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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