Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We left the knife in your bed.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
