Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
