I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
