if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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