and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
