Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
