dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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