I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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