My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
