I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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