Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
