Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
