I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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