You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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