Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Randomize
