i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
