Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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