Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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