when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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