I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
