You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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