I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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