i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
