I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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