nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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