I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
