She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize