I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
