I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
