my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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